Today’s the day!

It’s hard to put into words what I’m feeling today. In just a few hours I’ll be checking in to my teacher training, and as I sit in this cafe waiting for the boat to take me back to the mainland from the Gili islands, I’m experiencing every emotion you might expect.

Excitement. Sooooo much excitement. This is what I’ve been waiting for, working for, and looking forward to for a very long time.

Joy. Sheer joy at the thought of spending the next month of my life doing something that brings me so many good vibes.

Sadness. I’ve been enjoying my travels so much, I’m not sure I’m quite ready for them to end. And I miss life back in Toronto already, and I’m barely a quarter of the way through the time I’ll be away.

Trepidation. What if I’m not “good enough”? I know that’s a very un-yoga thing to say, and anytime I have a friend going to a class for the first time I tell them that there’s no “being good at” yoga. But seriously, what if I’m not good?! I was always teacher’s pet, top of the class and my inner child doesn’t know how to be at peace with anything else. And what if I don’t have friends? The other kids don’t like me? I get lost? It seriously feels like the first day at a new school. What will I wear??

And then the more serious concerns: what if I don’t love it like I think I will? What if I’ve put so much of myself into this and I realize it’s not for me? What happens then?

I’m trying hard to focus on the happy emotions, and not let the nerves get the best of me. Because nerves aren’t a bad thing. They let you know that you’re on the edge of something big, something potentially shattering and amazing and life-changing, good and bad and everything in between. Next time I check in, I’ll officially be a yoga teacher in training. And that’s pretty awesome.

safe and sound

After a rather tumultuous nearly 40 (yes, 40) hours of travelling, I finally landed at Denpasar Airport in Bali. I could not have been more excited to see my destination!
I hardly slept the night before – or the night before that for that matter – and I’m terrible at sleeping on crowded planes. Fortunately (?) in all the chaos of missed connections and extra flights, I wound up on an overnight from Seoul to Singapore that was nearly empty and had an entire row of 4 seats to myself to stretch out and sleep for a glorious 3 hours. Needless to say, my first night in Bali was a bit of a write off as I passed out for about 15 hours.
After the first night spent near the airport I headed to Uluwatu, an area famous for its namesake temple and its surfing. The beaches are beautiful! Photos don’t seem to want to upload over this not-so-fast wifi connection, so you’ll just have to take my word for it until I can get a faster connection (hopefully this won’t be in July when I’m back in Toronto!) or you can check out my Instagram where I’ve managed to get a few photos up.
I stayed at a really lovely spot called Bombora Surf Camp with nice clean rooms and a gorgeous outdoor common area for lounging and swimming. Immediately in front of Bombora I was so pleased to find a restaurant called Buddha Soul that had lots of vegetarian options, and just vegetables in general! Anyone with a restricted diet who’s travelled in less developed countries knows it can be a challenge to eat healthy, so this was such a treat!
I spent some time exploring the different beaches, and doing lots of reading to finish up the required books for YTT! Reading is always better when you’re laying out in the sun near the ocean or a pool.
Last night I went to Uluwatu temple for sunset and to watch a Balinese Kecak and Fire Dance. It’s a traditional performance involving a choir of 70 men who go into a state of trance to channel deities, then use performers as a medium to convey a story. The dance is done every night at sunset and I was fortunate to have a beautiful night for it.
Today I was up early (6am seems to be what my body has settled on the past 3 days) for a morning yoga practice, and am preparing to leave the beach for Ubud, Bali’s cultural centre. If anyone has read Eat, Pray, Love, this is where the “love” portion was set. There’s a yoga studio very close to where I’m staying and I’m excited to practice in a class for the first time in over a week. Solo practices can be beautiful but there’s something to be said for moving and breathing in unison.
Time to pack my enormous backpack
(seriously, it feels like it’s as big as I am) and head into the city! Ill try to check in again from Ubud!

Nerves

Tomorrow.

(Well, actually, today.  Less than 9 hours from now.)

I’ll be on a plane to start my journey to Bali.

To say my anxiety level is through the roof might be an understatement.  I’m all packed.  The fridge is empty.  House is clean and ready for my wonderful friend to temporarily move in.  I’m as ready as I can possibly be.  And I still can’t calm down.

I’ve been pacing around.  Picking this up, putting it over there. Wiping the counter one more time.  Reorganizing the books in my carry-on.  The idea of getting any sleep tonight is long gone.

I had a lovely day today.  It’s been a lovely week, really.  I visited with family and dear friends.  Said my “see you soon”s to loved ones.  Almost all of them.  There are still things unsaid, unfinished conversations, that I will try desperately not to allow to consume my thoughts (and surely fail at this).  I’m trying hard to feel settled and remember that things are exactly the way they should be, the way they need to be, right at this moment.

It’s hard to say goodbye, even if it’s just for a short 6 weeks.  Because 6 weeks IS short.  This amazing experience will be over before I know it.  And I’ll be wondering what I was ever so nervous about.

I’m hoping to update at least once a week while I’m away.

And guys?  Leave me comments.  Or write me emails.  Please?  Because it’s not really fair that you’ll get this little peak into what I’m up to and I’ll be left wondering about all of you.

Ok.

Breathe.

xo